Perhaps it's my training and 25+ years of law enforcement - But I'm wired to seek out the "why" of things that happen. Right know, I seem to be preoccupied with the "why" more people aren't connecting in cell groups. I have seen first hand how peoples lives can change when they are introduced to a small group community focusing on what Jesus wants them to do. After all, the 3C groups at 2|42 aren't your fathers bible studies.
What I'd like to know is what do you think. Add your comments and insights, lets see if we can discover the why. Once we discover it we can focus on getting past it.
A couple of rules:
1. Don't point fingers - it's rude.
2. Think about the cause not the symptoms
3. No criticism of anyone's ideas
By: Bob Smith
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16 comments:
Experiences - I think a lot of it has to do with either past horrible small group experiences or never having any small group experience and not seeing the value of it.
Commitment - I also think people fear going to a small group and committing for the rest of their lives, or until they move - even if you like the group, there is a social pressure to stay around for longer than you may be willing to commit to.
Chemistry - I know chemistry has been the 'make-or-break' for me and Julie's small group experiences. Sometimes it just doesn't work. We have had a lot of people through the door of our cell group, but it just didn't click for them - which is fine, but hopefully they still sought one out.
Judgment - this was a recent one, but a more 'liberally' minded couple felt like they couldn't be themselves around our cell group, or any other they've been to. This is a tough one, we didn't judge them, but the fear of them being judged has kept them from connecting.
Maybe because...No one remembers to bring snack to cell group.
Just kidding, that one was for Jon White!
I think the intimacy and accountability (even if it is just accountability to the point of attending cell group and church) is very scary to many people. As the Refrigerator Rights book points out, most of us are very used to living isolated lives. It's not a happy place to be, but it is safe. When you visit a cell group, it's risky - like when you're the new kid in school figuring out where to sit in the lunch room. Will anyone like me? Will I like them? This fear, together with our general busy-ness, can form an insurmountable barrier to involvement.
I think we all need to make it our mission to meet people in church and try to hook them up with a cell group - not necessarily ours, but the one that makes the most sense for the family - and follow up with them. Most people need repeated invitations and assurances that yes, besides Kevin, the Davis cell group is very friendly, they have kids so your 2 year old won't be a problem, etc., etc.
I'll ignore your last comment - but high five you on your main thought. I think part of the 'why' is we, the leaders, we the people connected in a cell group haven't taken more ownership and initiative to invite people to groups. We are the best sells men/women - we should be meeting people and encouraging them to check a cell group out.
I found that my mind set had to change from hosting to doing ministry. 242 is the first church I've been to that wants to allow it's "members" to do ministry - everywhere else its about participation not ownership. So I keep gettig back to leadership development (or helping people take next steps). So ownership is one key. Then let me ask - how do you teach ownership?
I think a lot of it comes down to the fear of the unknown. I'm feeling like it takes our group members inviting their friends or acquaintances to something like a BBQ or mountain biking. It can be a individual invite or a group outing but most people I think would find an invitation like that less threatening as a first step than an invite to attend a group meeting.
I'm not convinced you can teach ownership. It's like a gift. You can give a gift and if you are offered a gift you can take it. You can give someone ownership and if its offered to you, you can take ownership.
I think we nurture a sense ownership among the members of our groups by offering them some role within or responsibility for the group and encouraging their efforts when they step up.
Leaders and coaches need to learn how to nurture ownership within their groups and networks.
I agree that you can't teach "ownership". It's available, but it has to be embraced. It has seemed easier for the people who have had limited church experience before joining or leading groups. So it’s a work in progress, like so many things in our lives.
I would also like to know if you think having a strategy for several groups of people to get them connected:
1. The “Newbies”: Those folks who are new to the whole church thing – let alone a small group.
2. The “Attenders”: Those folks who attend church but that’s the limit of there involvement.
3. The “Beentheredone that’s”: These folks tried it but never made a connection.
4. The “Missing C people”: These folks are Celebrating & Contributing – But are missing the C of Connection.
Did I miss anyone?
One size doesn’t fit everyone.
@Bob - you can't teach ownership...but hopefully we (and I mean 'we' as lay people) are modeling it. Not that the staff don't model ownership too, but people tend to assume "that's their job..." (I imagine if I were a staff member I'd find that a little insulting, as if I wouldn't give a hoot if I weren't on the staff)...but that is another discussion for another day!
Schedules - work, school, family, neighborhood, community involvements, leisure activities, weather and the list goes on
Location - somewhat related to schedules depending on distance, not comfortable going to someone else's house, allergies and irritants or pets
Handling kids - space, sitter or share responsibilities, toys, snacks, breaking things, handling awkward situations
Feeling a connection - some people go because of who is there, some people stay away for the same reason, people with different viewpoints on any number of topics, some people are too shy, some people are too freindly, some people share way too much about themselves, some people not quite ready to share things about themselves
I see this no different than "conventional" church. The largest service/activity is Sunday morning. Sunday night, Wednesday night, visitation, church softball leagues were usually not as well attended.
We find that most of the people in our cell group are doing some sort of ministry at 2|42. This is good and bad. The bad is that few people from our group are just hanging out in the lobby to meet people because they are to busy "working" some where.
I do think that when people are ready, it works out. I think we should keep the focus on doing our part, but recognizing that it is God who is ultimately doing the work in people's hearts.
Our group has seen some life changing transformations over the past few years. Many of them happened outside of "cell group" because people were moved by a message, a song, or something they read in the Bible - that they took action.
I wish they were a closer connection in our group to feel like we are a part of what is going on, but that is not the way it is. However, that does not seem to stop God from working in people's lives.
I am on fairly close terms with one of the couples in our church that is ungrouped. The husband was in a small group with me for a while once, so I suppose it could be that. And he does work out of town often so he comes home late or not at all. But overall, I just want to say that nothing that has been suggested so far seems sufficent to me to account for the lack of participation. And sometimes it does seem to me that we theorize too much about this issue without looking at the real people around us.
Rick
"And sometimes it does seem to me that we theorize too much about this issue without looking at the real people around us."
That's a really interesting comment. Could you explain? Are you suggesting that perhaps it doesn't matter why, in general, we have fewer people in cell groups and what we should be focusing on are the people around us, specifically?
I think we can come up with general reasons why more people aren't connecting. But i'm sure there are deeper reasons that are more specific and personal to individuals. So then the challenge becomes is it even possible to begin to address every individual reason/excuse for not attending a group? I think one reason people don't attend is that they haven't been invited or if we invited them sometime in the past and they turned us down we haven't attempted to invite them again. One of the things we can do is simply start asking the question "Who's Cell group do you attend?" If enough of us start asking that question we create an expectation within the culture of 2|42 that getting connected in a group is what we all do.
We're relatively new to 242 and are not part of a cell group. Although you guys go above and beyond when it comes to touting the benefits of cell groups (which I firmly believe in), it is overwhelming to some people who are not so "outgoing"; some of us need a gentle push (or a shove) to do it. You may have already tried something like this ('cuz again, we're new), but I think it would be great to host an event where all the cell groups are present and those interested in participating in a group could come to. Each cell group could get up and talk about their group, ages, kids, interests, etc. for a few minutes each, and then those in the "audience" could just listen, ask questions, etc. if they were interested. That way, you're not asking anyone who may be uncomfortable trying to find a "right fit" to venture out of their comfort zone. I think this gets back to the comment that if we just "hear it" it's not the same as seeing it, talking to the groups, etc. Just a thought.
"And sometimes it does seem to me that we theorize too much about this issue without looking at the real people around us."
"That's a really interesting comment. Could you explain? Are you suggesting that perhaps it doesn't matter why, in general, we have fewer people in cell groups and what we should be focusing on are the people around us, specifically?"
I think sometimes we waste a lot of time and effort with theoretical solutions for hypothetical people. At the very least we ought to be able to give examples of real people who are not in cell groups because of the reasons we cite, or people who are in cell groups because of the kind of actions we suggest.
And yes, we would learn a lot and gain credibility if we helped the people around us get in groups. And no, I have not tried as hard as I should to do that.
I would be interested to know who is successfully growing cell groups in our church and how they are doing it.
Our goup is almost entirely made up of people that Terri and I brought to 242 (sort of like the fella in the video that worked with your husband).
So I don't really get how to recruit from the ungrouped at church. Plus I'm socially challenged.
Rick
The staff is working on a couple of "events" to promote cell groups and allow people to connect with the leaders and groups in a fun and satisfying way. I think you could look forward to some "Taste of Cell Groups" or "Tailgating with groups".
More to follow
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